


Just let it in.

by georgie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anger, Crying, Emotional Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), F/M, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Humanity's Strongest, Hurt/Comfort, Levi x Reader - Freeform, M/M, Rivaille - Freeform, Sad, Tears, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 07:59:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10635618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgie/pseuds/georgie
Summary: You're concerned for the Captain after the 57th Expedition.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic so please excuse my grammar etc..

You are walking the halls as you are finding it difficult to sleep. The 57th expedition was still fresh in your mind, it only happened yesterday and everyone was still feeling defeated after the major loss they had suffered at the hands of the female titan. There was one particular person however, who didn't show his pain despite losing the most - Captain Levi. You had just passed his room, stopping in your tracks you backed up to his door. You went to knock on the door but hesitated. Your hand hovering in the air just inches from the door.

 _What would I even say to him? He'll probably just tell me to fuck off.  
_ You didn't really have any sort of relationship with the Corporal. He would appreciate your skills from afar by giving a slight nod in your direction whenever you were training, and he would sometimes give you brief eye contact before going beyond the wall. It might not seem a lot, but it meant that he knew you existed.

 _Fuck it._ You gave a gentle knock on the door and then heard his deep voice a few moments later.

"State your name and business." He sounded exhausted, it made your heart ache knowing he probably had tons of paperwork to do.

"Erm.. F/N L/N,  Sir". You stuttered.

"Tch. Come in." You entered the room and saw Levi sat at his desk doing paperwork. He didn't look up at you, carrying on with the work load Erwin had given him. "Didn't I tell you to state your business?" He sounded annoyed.

"You let me in anyway." You said crossing your arms. He put his pen down and began to cross his legs and stare at you with his grey eyes. "I just wanted to see how you were doing." You sighed.

"Fine, now will you please leave; I have a lot of work to do." You uncrossed your arms and walked towards his desk, sitting down on the chair in front of him.

You wasn't going to just leave when he told you too. Despite always following his command you couldn't this time; this time was different. Levi was never known for showing much emotion. The only emotion he was ever capable of showing was anger; whether it was being angry at Eren for being an annoying brat or how dirty the room was, he would never show anyone how he was feeling. Or maybe he did, just not to you.

"I might not know you all that well, but I can tell that that is a lie". You didn't break eye contact with him. You wanted to let him know you were there for him and was open to hear him pour his feelings out.

"You don't know me at all, so fuck off would you!" He spat.

"No". You tried to sound strong but your voice broke a bit and you felt funny in the pit of your stomach.

"What did you just say? Get out L/N or I'll throw you out myself!" He yelled. You stood up from your chair and rested your palms on his desk. You were leaning towards him, inches away from his face.

"No" you said, this time your voice didn't crack.

Levi shot up from his seat and walked around his desk to you and grabbed your wrist. He started dragging you to the door until you yanked your arm out of his grasp and pushed him. He was shocked by that action and just stared at you, waiting for you to speak.

"I am not leaving this room, until you give me an honest answer." You felt tears welling up and there was a lump in your throat.

"Why would I discuss anything with you? You're not my friend. So why do you even care how I'm feeling?!" His hands were balled into fists now and his teeth were slightly clenched as he spoke. Again, only showing anger.

"We may not be friends, but it doesn't mean I don't worry or care about you". You walked slowly to him, and stopped when there was about 2 feet between you. You relaxed your face trying to look sincere.

"I told you, I'm doing fine. Shit happens Y/N, you've got to learn to deal with it".

"And that's what you're doing? Dealing with it? I have never seen you cry a tear or show the tiniest bit of sadness".

"That's how you want to see me? Moping about the place?" He took a few steps forward but you didn't budge. "If I was to cry every time someone died then there would be no tears left! It's not a part of my job description to be an emotional wreck now get out of my room cadet or you'll be in serious trouble".

"I told you I'm not leaving!"

"What the hell do you want from me!?" He shouted.

"I want you to let it in; let all the pain in! You've got to let yourself be buried in it so you can eventually dig yourself out, or eventually it's just all going to come at once and suffocate you! I want you to feel something for the lives lost yesterday, because they died for you, me, the whole of humanity! Everything we do is for humanity. And if you can't show any sort of appreciation for what they died for then you're a fucking jerk" Up to this point he hadn't showed any emotion besides anger, until you said their names. "Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther. Your friends, your squad. Dead, and you never once batted an eye." 

You knew what you were saying was hurtful towards him, but you had to do it in order for him to break. "They're gone, lost somewhere beyond the wall because we had to leave their bodies behind in order to save ourselves. Petra is probably rotting somewhere or has been devoured by a titan. You don't know, you don't care enough to want to know. They died, and for what? We didn't discover the identity of the female titan. She killed them and we can't even bring them justice. They're deaths do nothing for us."

Levi relaxed his hands and his face and stared at you. But you weren't sure if he was even seeing you. Despite looking right at you you were sure he wasn't seeing anything. He looked empty. You were worried you had worded this whole thing wrong, worried that you had broken humanities strongest solider. But then you saw it. A tear. Rolling down his face was a tear, followed by another tear. They weren't stopping. He wasn't making any noise. He was just still, letting them fall. 

You slowly walked up to him and placed both your hands on either side of his face, wiping away the tears with your thumbs. Your touch seemed to have woken him from his trance, and then he collapsed to the floor. He was crying so hard now, almost screaming. He looked so weak and fragile. You never imagined you'd get this reaction from him, you only wanted him to admit that he was grieving for his friends. 

You knelt in front of him and placed your hand on his cheek again, only this time he placed his hand on top of yours.

"I know it hurts" you whispered softly. "But you have to hurt in order to heal." He looked up at you and stared into your E/C eyes.

"I'm pathetic. My friends died and I was afraid to mourn them; afraid to care." He was crying louder now, and so you threw your arms around his neck and gave him the biggest hug you have ever given anyone. His tears were soaking your shoulder but you didn't care. You felt his hands on your back squeezing your shirt tightly.

"I'm so sorry Levi, I really am". He broke the hug and looked at you.

"No, you were right. Everything you said was true. I thank you for allowing me to see."

"See what?" You said in confusion.

"Pain". 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Self promotion ;) - Check out my Reiner x reader fic, much better than this.


End file.
